When was it that I realized that there was a name for what I was doing? Well I am not exactly sure. I do know that it wasn’t until I had my second child. Like most parents as soon as I saw the positive on the pregnancy test I started looking for all the best baby “equipment”. I eventually bought a crib (which has never been used), a car seat, a stroller (used maybe three times), and a feeding table. It never occurred to us that we were wasting our money on products that would never be of use to us.

In today’s society parents are lead to believe that by holding your child will “spoil” them. From the beginning I did the only thing I knew how. I followed my instincts and parented from my heart. I wanted Madison to be close to me at all times. Whether she was awake or asleep I craved the feeling of her soft skin snuggled up next to mine. I knew I couldn’t possibly use our infant car seat to carry my baby. Not only would it be awkward and heavy but just didn’t seem right. I remembered seeing a carrier type product at the store once. Once I felt comfortable taking my newborn out in public I went searching. As soon as I saw the front carrier on the shelf I instantly grabbed the box and started admiring the picture on the front. It showed a baby snuggled up sleeping close to her smiling mother. That picture alone sold me. I bought the carrier with high expectations of how wonderful it would feel and how nice it would be to nurse while allowing me to use both of my hands. Little did I know at the time but that was the start of my obsession to find the “perfect” baby carrier. I never needed to nurse in the front carrier at home so it wasn’t until I was walking with my baby a few months later that I realized my expectations were too high. Although on the box the manufactures said nursing while wearing it was possible I found the opposite to be true. Being that nursing was a big part of our life I knew I had to find a carrier that allowed me to do so.

When my daughter was around 10 months old I paid a visit to my family across the country. I was still using the same carrier but anxious to try something new. I was chatting to my sister-in-law about how badly I wanted a carrier that I would be able to nurse in. She left the room only to return with a padded ring sling. She was no longer using it and offered it to me. I happily accepted and anxiously waited for Madison to wake up from her nap. She was sleeping on my lap at the time. I instantly fell in love with the concept of the sling. I was sure this was going to a perfect fit. I used the sling on the plane ride home. I was very happy to have been introduced to the sling but at the same time I was getting frustrated with the padding. After a few days of wearing the padded sling, I reverted back my original carrier and was determined to make it work. Once my daughter grew older I could no longer use the front pack and it ended up collecting dust.

My daughter, Madison, was a little over two years old I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I was even more determined to find a carrier that fit my needs and desires. I knew how much I enjoyed carrying my daughter and showing her the world from my perspective rather then from behind a stroller. I “had” to find a new way to carry my child while be able to care for and play with my daughter. It was while I was walking down the street that I had my first glimpse at an unpadded ring sling. “WOW” was all I could think. It was gorgeous. Not too mention the babe inside the sling was happily sharing a conversation with his mother. With both the mother and the baby looking so comfortable and happy I knew that I just had to have one. Much to my surprise she was a distributor. I instantly ordered two -- one for me and one for my cousin who was also pregnant. I just knew this was the answer to what I had been longing for. Four months later Caeden was born. He weighed 8lbs 12ozs. As soon as I got home from the birthing center I pulled the wrap out of my drawer only to be disappointed. I tried desperately to use my new sling while comfortably carrying my son. I just couldn’t get the hang of it. So out came the front carrier yet again.

Disappointed doesn’t even describe how I was feeling. I knew I wasn’t the only mother that felt the need to close to her child but at the same time I had never (other then the one I mentioned above) seen another woman using a sling. I went back to Pennsylvania yet again. My cousin had given up on her ring sling as well. She was now using a structured front carrier. She wasn’t using the same exact type I was, but one similar. I was willing to try anything. I went out and bought the same one. I got it home and opened the box. I wore it a few times only to give it to my cousin to keep as her second carrier. I had seen another type of carrier while strolling through a department store one day. After much debate I decided I had to try the popular front carrier regardless of the high price tag. Even though I couldn’t seem to nurse in it (although the manufacturers said it was possible) I liked it much better then my first.

I moved to Okinawa and with little to do I began searching the Internet. I believe it was then that I first heard the term Baby wearing. “So my instincts weren’t wrong. There are others who wear their babies.” “I knew it” I thought to myself. “If only I could find the perfect carrier.” I continued on my pursuit for the ideal carrier. I found a fleece pouch. I loved it. It was so buttery soft and I was able to nurse in it. There were very few steps in learning how to use the pouch. Then the weather changed and it became way to hot for the climate here on Okinawa. I reverted back to trying my ring sling. Having heard many great things about it I was more determined then ever to love it. Eventually I “got” it. It was finally comfortable and the baby stopped squirming and actually fell asleep, I had mastered the technique. LOL

During my many searches I heard about this thing called a wrap. Apparently it was just a long piece of cloth that you could use to tie around your body to comfortably carry your baby. That was until I saw the price tag. I simply couldn’t afford another carrier -- especially one costing that much. I remembered seeing on a sewing site that I could make a homemade wrap, I was all for it. I grabbed my sling and out the door we went. It took little time to find and purchase a piece of material that I “thought” would be perfect. I was wrong. I felt and looked like a mummy. The fabric was way too thick. It had little stretch and well, was way too cumbersome. I decided to stick with the ring sling. Isn’t there a saying that says “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it?”

That was until I found out I was pregnant with my third child. Through out my pregnancy I wore Caeden in the sling. I was content using my ring sling. It was fast and easy (once you learn how to use it, LOL). I spent a lot of time researching all the different baby carriers out there. I didn’t have to research the benefits for those I knew first hand. I was introduced to a baby wearing website; A site that was dedicated only to promoting baby wearing. “How awesome is that” I thought to myself. “Mamatoto.org, WoW.” A whole “organization” devoted to teaching baby wearing. Yet my curiosity was still piqued by the look of the wrap. I saw the directions on how to turn a SPOC (simple piece of cloth) into a baby wrap. I decided to give it yet another try. This time I “asked” around on baby wearing boards about where to buy the fabric. I ended up with a nice lightweight woven wrap. The only problem was I had no clue as to how to use it. Thank goodness for Mamatoto. I can’t tell you the number of hours I spent analyzing the different carries.

When Dyllon arrived in late July of 2004 I was anxious to try out my new wrap. It took a few tries but I finally grasped the front wrap cross. I enjoyed the comfort and versatility of the wrap even if I couldn’t do any other carries. LOL Once I became proficient with the front carries I began longing to use a back carry. After watching the videos for what seemed like a hundred times I decided to give it a try. Needless to say practice makes perfect. I undeniably needed more practice. It was a month or two before I had the confidence to use a back carry while out. I now prefer a back carry. As for Dyllon’s preference well, he doesn’t care either way as long as he is close to mama.

After making a number of different wraps each unique in size, color and material I decided to buy one. FINALLY, Finally I found the perfect baby carrier. One that was as versatile as it was stunning. I fell in love as soon as the soft cotton fabric embraced my son to my chest. Yes the other carriers I had did the same thing but this one was different. This one was perfect. It only took 5 years but I found the perfect carrier for my family. It is a gold and brown hand dyed cotton gauze in the length of 6 yards. Luckily I will never need to buy another carrier.

Babywearing, for me, is a way of life. A very big part of my life -- of our lives. I can’t remember a day that has passed that I haven’t worn some sort of baby carrier to share the day with my child. Not only has is strengthened the bond between me and my children, it also has enabled me to share more of my life with them. Babywearing has enabled me to care for my children when they are sick without neglecting the needs of the others. I can softly sing them to sleep with their cheeks to mine all the while getting groceries. I can teach my older children while nourishing my youngest at my breast. I can read to them on my lap with the baby sound asleep on my back. I can show them the world while keeping them safely close to my heart.